#got my mom and my dad's trauma all wrapped up together with no one to share with

[coricomile]

I really wish the conversation between Min and Mhen had been in a different setting. Partly because someone waking up from a pacemaker failure on lots of IV drugs wouldn't be that coherent, and also that it undermines the message that Min has done more than enough for Mhen to be his equal and be his own person. He tried to repay his brother, and it ended in a catastrophic health event.

I think it would have needed to be set up way earlier from Mhen to have an impact vs. a hospital bed monologue. We and Jeen and Q and Mhen himself know that Min's doting is overbearing and feels like both guilt and genuine love mixed together. It's a great running theme to explore.

But Mhen is reduced to an Inspirationally Disadvantaged Person that doesn't get to have complicated feelings about his own condition and hearing firsthand how his brother - the rock he has in the world - resented him for most of his life and became who he is because he feels ashamed of past actions. He SHOULD get time alone (or with bbgirl Jeen, who is crushing on him just as hard <3) to process those feelings.

Mhen is 100% the "looks like a cinnamon roll, is a cinnamon roll" and it's because Min has blocked everything that could potentially challenge him. Mhen has turned into a compassionate and kind and cheeky young adult, but Min still sees the little boy he was jealous of handing him the bigger half of the rice ball and cannot let him grow beyond that.

[lurkingshan]

Japanese QL Corner

Counting my blessings this week as these current shows continue to absolutely kill it. These are all streaming on Gaga or provided via fansub (feel free to ask if you don’t know where to find them).

Our Youth

This week we were treated to a series of relationship negotiation conversations, several scenes so charged with tension and meaning that I am still not done processing, and a metaphor that just about knocked me out. Hirukawa can see through Minase's weak protests and just keeps putting himself near him, and now with Minase's parents likely divorcing and his impending departure abroad, he feels like he has nothing to lose, so he may as well give in to his desires. I am attuned to the pacing so I assume within the next two eps we will be wrapping up this high school backstory (brace yourselves for the horrors) and then going back to the present to see how they come back together as adults. I can't wait; this show is just killing it.

Love is Like a Poison

We begin this week's ep with the sweet smell of vindication, because as I thought, Haruto did not leave Shiba. He simply put his ring safely away and went out on a mission. Our Battle Couple continues to thrive! After another terrible encounter with his father (another strong contender for worst dad in BL), Haruto comes home and finally comes clean about the last of his secrets with encouragement from Shiba. His backstory is just as sad and horrifying as expected, and all the details of how he approached Shiba come together seamlessly now that we know he's been seeking help to avenge his mom this whole time. As a cherry on top, Shiba's bestie backs him up with the boss, and now the whole squad is geared up to take that man down.

Love in the Air Koi

CW: abuse, intimate partner violence, sexual assault

This week we transitioned from Arashi and Rei's happy coupledom to the beginning of Kai and Fuma's love story, with the flashback to their first encounter and an efficient presentation of Kai's harrowing backstory. I appreciate that this show did not flinch away from the ugliness of Kai's history, but also didn't dwell unnecessarily in the trauma. I am also noting the absence of the first kidnapping plot from the original drama--I assume this version will be combining Rei and Kai's abductions into one event toward the end of the show, which for me is an extremely welcome change. Nagatsuma Reo is really solid in portraying Kai's trauma and the intentional distance he keeps in his relationships and the fear and tension warring with his interest in Fuma was well done. Looking forward to their story.

The Fragrance You Inherit

In this episode Sakura and Mone got the chance to reconnect and Sakura finally told her story. It's sad as hell that her devastation over Mone led her to a dubious encounter with a man she doesn't know or like, but at the same time it gave her Toki, who is clearly her great joy in life. I'm happy that she got to raise him with the support of a good friend in Ryosuke, if not a partner. Speaking of Toki, it's now clear that he knows about his mom's feeling for Mone, and he is feeling her out to see what she might be willing to tell him. I'm sure he's having a lot of complex feelings, but I didn't get the sense that he's angry with his mother or concerned about his own relationship as much as he is sad that Sakura has kept this huge part of who she is a secret from him. Sakura wants to shield him from things he already understands, and she's too caught up in her own past trauma to recognize that the very fact of queer people existing will not come as a shock to her son. I love that the show seems poised to tackle that generational culture aspect of this conflict alongside the interpersonal dynamics. You can find the show here, with big thanks as always to @isaksbestpillow for providing English subs.

[sissylittlefeather]

If I Can Dream: Chapter 5

A/N: The next few chapters of this one are going to come fast and furious. We're halfway to the end and the last one will be on Christmas Day. Please keep reading! Need to catch up? Masterlist HERE.

Summary: It's 1975 and Jo Bellamy has been in love with Elvis for 20 years. She doesn't even care that they haven't met yet. All she needs is a chance and she's determined to get one

But Elvis doesn't feel much like Elvis anymore. What happened to the man he used to be? He's pretty sure he's long gone.

Can a chance encounter with Jo change the ill-fated trajectory of his life?

Warnings: 18+ minors DNI, no smut in this one but Jo does get into some pretty heavy topics. She describes her trauma history and lightly (and I mean lightly) touches on a history of verbal abuse from her dad, sexual abuse from an ex-boyfriend, and feeling suicidal as a teenager. Some of these things are real for me, so I tried to handle them delicately in a way that wouldn't be triggering, but I need to mention them anyway.

Word count: ~2.4k

Forever, then. It's right on the tip of his tongue, but he holds it back for some reason. He'll think about that tomorrow. For now, he drifts off to sleep with her in his arms again, perfectly content.

******

On Sunday around 1 in the afternoon, Elvis wakes up to the sound of the shower going. He looks around in the bed for Jo and then puts two and two together. The steam pours out of the bathroom when he pushes the door open.

“You want some company?”

“Shit!” Jo pokes her head out of the shower curtain. “You scared me!”

“I'm sorry, honey. I just missed ya in the bed.”

“Oh, I was trying to shower and be back before you woke up.” He gestures again to the shower.

“Can I join you?” She smiles and opens the curtain, her naked body glistening with the water running down it.

“Absolutely. C’mon, babe.” He smiles as his eyes drift down her body and he whistles.

“You sure you really want this old man?” As he removes his pajamas and drops them on the floor, Jo nods. He steps into the shower and groans when the hot water hits his back. She wraps herself around him and sighs.

“I love this old man.” He kisses the top of her head and holds her tightly.

“He loves you.” They spend the next twenty minutes or so in the shower. He washes her hair and she runs a wet sponge around on his body.

The time together is a blissful escape, but there's something floating around in Elvis's brain that he just can't ignore. Eventually, as they wrap themselves in towels first and then fluffy robes, he has to say something.

“Hey honey?”

“Yeah?”

“Last night in the car, why did you move my hand?” She looks at him strangely.

“When?”

“When you were… suckin’ me… I put my hand on your head and you said 'don't do that.’ Why?” A look of realization crosses Jo's face and she nods. She bites her cuticle for a bit, trying to figure out how to say what she needs to say.

“It's kind of a long story.”

“Well, if you want to tell it, I'm here to listen.” Jo continues to bite her cuticle and then plops down on the bed. She lays down so she doesn't have to look at him while she talks.

“I have to start with my dad. My father was not a nice man, especially when he drank. He never hurt us physically, but his words hurt almost as much. And he yelled. All the time, at me and my mom. I was an only child, so I got the full force of his anger every time.”

“Did he…?”

“Oh, no. Nothing like that. But it set me up to think that's what love looked like. As soon as I started dating, the men I chose were trash. They were always older, mean, angry men who didn't treat me very well.” He takes her hand gently and she squeezes her eyes shut to try to keep the tears from sliding down the sides of her face.

“One of them… well, he liked to be in control, completely.” Elvis nods, thinking of how he used to always be dominant and in charge in the bedroom. “He would… make me go down on him and when I did… well… there's a reason your hand on my head was bad.”

She looks over at him as the tears slide down into her hair. This wasn't a secret she wanted to share, but here it is, on the table for him to see and do with it as he pleases. He holds his arms out for her to crawl into his lap. She does, curling up and leaning into him. He strokes her back affectionately and sits quietly with this information for a bit. Finally, he speaks, but the words feel empty.

“I'm so sorry, honey.”

“It's okay, I'm mostly over it. But that particular thing brings it all back. I can't think I'm losing control of my own body or it gets to me like this.” He holds her face in his hands and kisses her cheek.

“Tink, I promise I'll never do that again. Thank you for tellin’ me.” She nods and kisses his nose. “While we're on the subject of your past, you told me last night that I saved you too.”

She shifts uncomfortably in his lap.

“Yeah?”

“Will you tell me that story?” She looks into his eyes contemplating how it might impact them. But he's going to find out sooner or later. Might as well be now.

“I can't believe I'm about to tell you this. In 1953, my parents split up. Even though my dad was cruel, I was still forced to stay with him sometimes. By the time I was 16, I desperately wanted to make it end. I didn't know how to get out of seeing my dad, but I was desperate. You know how big everything seems when you're 16.”

“Yeah, honey, I remember.” She takes another deep breath and continues.

“Well, Evelyn could tell I was really down. Just when I'd hit the edge of my ability to take what my life was, she forced me to go see this kid play on the back of a truck in a parking lot.”

“No…”

“I fell in love with you that night. And my love for you kept me going even when the worst things were happening to me. Your music was my lifeline. Your movies gave me an escape from my miserable existence. When I had no one else, I knew I had you.” He looks at her incredulously. “I sound insane. God, you probably think I'm crazy.”

“How many shows?”

“Six. Well seven if you count the one where I ran on stage. Three in the fifties, two in Vegas, and one when you were on tour in ‘72.”

“Why didn't you ever try to come talk to me?” He picks up her hand and kisses her knuckles gently.

“I did! I even got kicked out once. But I could never get to you. Fuck, you're probably thinking I'm crazy and trying to figure out how to get away from me-”

“Tink, the only thing I'm thinkin’ right now is that I wish I'd found you in 1955.” She looks up at him, her eyes wide.

“You mean that?”

“With my whole heart. I've needed you for 20 years and didn't even know it.” He moves his fingers up and down her back soothingly.

“You don't think I'm insane?”

“Oh you absolutely are, but not for the reasons you think. I'm glad my music and those terrible movies were a comfort to you. It makes me feel better about making them, honestly. But I wish we'd found each other back then and saved ourselves all the pain.” She shakes her head as he leans in to kiss her cheek.

“No, there's a reason it didn't happen until now. We had to be ready. Think about it, I was so unstable then and you were young and wild. We would've been a recipe for disaster. This is better.” He pulls back and looks at her.

“Honey, you are somethin’ else. I'm so glad I found you.” He holds the side of her face with his hand and presses his forehead against hers. “I love you, Tink. And I don't think I'm ever gonna stop.”

“I love you too, Elvis. So, so much.”

******

After their serious conversation, Jo is ready for an easy day with Elvis and he knows it. They lay in the bed in robes, tangled in each other kissing and tickling and generally acting like young people in love until Jo's stomach growls.

“Oh, Tink, honey are you hungry? I am.” She giggles and her stomach rumbles. He leans over and acts like he's taking bites of her belly, tickling her instead.

“Ah! Yes! I'm hungry!” They both put on fresh pajamas and he takes her downstairs to get something to eat. After that, they lounge in the TV room for a while, not really watching what's on the screens. They spend more time making out like teenagers than anything else. Elvis thinks to himself that he should be embarrassed by their behavior, he is 40 years old after all, but he can't find it in himself to do so. He's so happy with Jo that he's practically giddy. And she's living her literal dream life, so she's not going to stop them from doing what feels natural. Still, as midnight approaches, Jo knows what has to happen. She crawls over into his lap, straddling his thighs again and he wraps his arms around her waist, kissing her neck.

“Elvis, I have to go home.” He pulls back and looks up at her in shock.

“What? Why?” The thought enters his mind that this might be a good thing and give him space to think about what the future of their relationship could possibly be, but his heart feels like it's in a vice.

“I have to work in the morning and I have no clothes here.”

“Honey, we can give Jerry your key and he'll go get some stuff for you.” She smiles and kisses his cheek gently.

“As nice as that sounds, I don't really want Jerry touching my panties. Do you?” He darkens a bit.

“No. I don't.”

“Exactly. I need to go home. I also need to sleep tonight and something tells me if I stay, that won't happen.” He nods and looks down, holding both of her hands in his. The thought of being without her makes his chest hurt. “I'll come back, though, if that's what you want.”

He puts his hand on the side of her face and his eyes search hers for a second.

“Are we kidding ourselves, honey?”

“What do you mean?” Her heart beats faster and it feels like she can hear her pulse in her ears.

“Maybe we should just see this for what it was. I have a career and a daughter and an ex wife and you… I just don't think you'd enjoy the fucking wild ride that my life is. You deserve someone stable, who'll marry you and give you children. I'm never gonna not be Elvis Presley.” She stares at him with her eyes wide and wet.

“I know that. I love you-”

“I love you too, Jo, but maybe this was just a beautiful weekend that we'll never forget.” His voice catches on the last part.

“You don't call me Jo. Elvis, what's happening?!”

“I'm just trying to save us both from the inevitable pain of how this ends.” She stands up off his lap and shakes her head.

“No, you're ending it before it starts. I want to know why.” He sighs deeply. How can he tell her that he's afraid? “You said things to me, Elvis.”

“I know, honey, and I'm sorry but I'm just not-”

“Not what?!”

“Not who you think I am.” The tears that have been threatening to spill out of her eyes finally do and slide down her cheeks.

“Then who are you, Elvis?” He shakes his head and looks at the floor.

“I dunno. But not the kind of man you need.”

“Elvis, look at me.” He reluctantly lifts his chin. “You're the man I want.”

He sits there silently staring up at her. He's torn between pulling her back down into his lap and asking her to marry him and telling her she should leave and never come back.

“Elvis… Do you not want this? Do you not want me?” More silence. He wants her so badly that it hurts, but something makes him hold back and leave everything unsaid. “How can you do this?”

“Jo, I don't know. You make me crazy. And I-I said a bunch of stuff that I shouldn't have. But now that I'm thinking clearly-”

“This is thinking clearly?! Elvis, why don't you just admit that I scare the shit out of you because what we have is real? Why can't you just say that?” His mouth pops open for a bit and then he closes it. How did she know?

“I’m not scared.”

“Bullshit.” She turns and runs up the stairs. He tries to follow her, but she's too fast. When he finally catches up to her, he's winded and she's gathering all of her stuff in the bedroom, which isn't much. He stands in the doorway watching and trying to catch his breath as she pulls off the pajamas and puts her dress back on.

“Jo, please.” She stops and turns to face him with one shoe on.

“I'm not doing this back and forth thing with you, Elvis. I'm too old. I have loved you for twenty years. Either you want me, or you don't-”

“Why do you get 20 years to decide and I get 5 days?!” Her mouth drops and she stares at him in disbelief. But he's right.

“Has it really only been 5 days?”

“Yes!” Her mouth curls into a tiny smile.

“Well that's just ridiculous.” He tries to suppress a grin.

“Yes! It is ridiculous!” She erupts in a giggle and he tries not to laugh. “I'm trying to be serious here, woman.”

Jo flops on the bed and howls with laughter, tears squeezing out of her eyes.

“5 days!” She croaks out between giggles. He sits next to her on the bed.

“Yes.” He looks down at her, his eyes sparkling as her laughter is finally slowing down. “You're not helping me love you any less.”

“You really love me?”

“Yes, goddamnit, I really do. I'm just not sure how we make this work.” She sits up and kisses his cheek.

“Let me go home tonight and go to work tomorrow. We can talk about it when I come over, if that’s still what you want.”

“Yeah, I think that's good.” He pulls her into his lap and buries his face in her neck. “I just need some time to think, Tink. It don't mean I don't love you.”

“I understand.” She lets him continue to nuzzle her.

“And you're right.” He mumbles into her neck. “But I'm not just scared; I'm fuckin’ terrified.”

“I know. It's okay.” She turns and puts her arms around him, kissing his forehead gently.

******

What happens now?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Taglist:

@ccab @atleastpleasetelephone @aliypop @18lkpeters @dkayfixates @tacozebra051 @your-nanas-house @joshuntildawn13 @lookingforrainbows @60svintage @littlehoneyposts @epthedream69 @louisejoy86 @rjmartin11 @from-memphis-with-love @deltafalax @cinnamoroll-things @burnthheparaphilia @jhoneybees @cattcb @everythingelvispresley @returntopresley @searchingforgravity @msamarican @angschrof @lustnhim @polksaladava @librababe99 @hooked-on-elvis @theelvisprincess @makethemorning @peaceloveelvis @mrspresley69 @pxpresley @kxnnxy

[watchingblsnowandforever]

Hello!!!

Welcome back! =D

Part 2

Warning: long, long post (also a part 2 but I think y'all are used to it by now-) 😊😅

MattMick!! Also, Beer looking between them like that and Q and Toey peeking from behind cracked me up hehe

Also, does that mean Beer is single? Wait, maybe he's aroace. That'd be really cool.

I did see some hints of a throuple of him and MattMick, but I'm happy with either option.

SO CUTE 🥺🫶🏼

Poor QToey 😭

Their romantic moment got rained on so hard-

Exhibit: Here you can see three males from the species Homo sexuals. Two of them are already mated, and the third is in the courting process. We think the other male is interested too.

Oh- But I thought- oh, this makes sense actually. So the others know. I mean not really surprising when you think about it, to be honest.

With his unprecedented levels of obliviousness? Yeah, no, I get where you're coming from, Chain.

That's your biggest concern about getting a penguin?? 😭😭

Why does Peem look like the exasperated mom friend of the group 😭

After all the tiny crumbs of the past *checks notes* 8262 eps, this is a lot of progress.

HANDS. (I will never stop screaming about hands.)

Cuteee

Peem, babe, he hardly ever goes to class anyways. He's too busy following you around like a puppy.

Me, who holds handholding above everything else (yes, even sex): *DEEP BREATHS THROUGH THE NOSE* I'm fine. *SMOKE COMING OUT OF EARS* Totally fine.

Nothing to say, just a really good shot. (Also, Phuwin's exasperated smile seemed too real and then I learned Pond improvised that scene and yeah, that explains it)

ChainPun: only two people with matching pillow cases

QToey: missing (me?) [Sorry I couldn't resist 😭]

TanFang: peacefully asleep

PhumPeem: chronic insomnia, aggravated by Tan's snores

Matt: cuddling Mick

Beer: dreaming of him and his friends and their boyfriends all graduating with good grades

ChainPun. <33

Let me wrap this moment in my memory forever. (I tried to adjust the lighting a bit but it didn't really work out 😭)

AJSSHUJKJ!!!!! THEY GIVE ME TWO MAKE OUT SESSIONS WITHIN THE SPAN OF LIKE 4 MINUTES AND EXPECT ME TO BE SANE ABOUT IT???

No.

Look, we all expected this. I even said on record I wouldn't survive. And all that mental Muay Thai still didn't prepare me for this.

Till now, I have watched 60 BLs, give or take, so I've seen a lot of NC scenes. Compared to some of them, this is very PG-13, but this one really got me, like very few sex scenes have managed to. The intimacy, the palpable love, want. It all came together so beautifully in this scene.

Them saying 'I love you' during sex is canon! Yay! I knew it in my guts (wrote a fic about it) but feels so good to be right in canon hehe.

"I love you too, now kiss me again."

HANDS!!!! (It's canon now, they hold hands during sex, and so I can freely write a fic about it. Not that something not being canon ever stopped me but yeah.)

Fang: my brother is in safe hands. 😌

Also, love how Peem didn't hesitate to at the chance to kick both brothers and make it a streak 😭👍🏼

Honestly though, this scene shows that Peem is going to go to very long lengths to make sure Phum is okay, even kicking his own brother (which assures me that Peem maybe wouldn't hesitate that much to sucker punch their dad either, which is important information to have for possible future fics.)

How can one man be so goddamn cute??

The whimpering puppy noises- 😭

Cakes are so hard to bake, for real. This one is so cute though 😭😭🫶🏼

Puppy Phum- honestly is anyone surprised? No? Thought so.

This smile-

It holds so much happiness and the brunt of so many years of trauma. It's so beautiful. I'm probably gonna rewatch the heck out of this scene.

I end Part 1 here, Part 2 will be out (hopefully) soon!

If you got this far, thank you so much for reading! 😊 (All mistakes are mine, but in my defense, I literally fell asleep while writing this.)

Here, have a pie (of your favourite flavour) 🥧

[epicbuddieficrecs]

Weekly Recap | February 12th-18th 2024

No thoughts, head empty except for that new S7 trailer.

Complete

all things go, all things go. by dylaesthetics (Post-S5E10 Wrapped in Red | 11K | Teen): “He doesn’t hate you for transferring,” says Hen, as though reading his mind. “But the guy thinks everything’s his fault. He probably blames himself for it.” “Why would he? It was solely my choice,” says Eddie. It doesn’t make any sense. “I’m the one who got shot and had to live with the consequences.” Hen considers him, her eyes a bit sharp. “And he’s the one who watched that happen to you, and couldn’t do anything to prevent it from happening. It might be your trauma, Eddie, but it is also his.”

🔥 the distance to the stars by cloudydaisies (Didn't Know They Were Dating, Post-S3 | 27K | General): or, everyone knows eddie is dating buck except for eddie, literally.

Fractals from the Lightning Bolt by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (One Shots Collection | 49/54 | 91K | Not Rated): A collection of oneshots, some originally posted on tumblr. Each chapter is individually rated.

48. We Objectify One (1) Man Here, Sir (Honeymoon, Explicit) 49. It's Called Stress Release (PWP, Explicit)

🔥 A Minor Delay by rainbow_nerds/ @rainbow-nerdss (Post-S6/S7 Spec | 43K | Mature): Almost a year after the bridge collapse, a lot has changed. The team are scattered—Bobby and Athena on their Honeymoon, Hen on adoptive parent's leave, and Buck and Eddie... They may still work together, still have movie nights with Chris whenever they can, but things have changed. With Maddie and Chimney's wedding around the corner, Buck tries to make it perfect. And maybe, along the way, he might figure out why everything still feels... wrong.

come back by lecornergirl/ @clusterbuck (Christopher POV, Tsunami | 1,6K | Teen): “Okay, Christopher,” Gabriella says. “Let’s try and find your dad, huh? Or your mom?” “My dad is a firefighter,” Christopher says. “He’s helping people. And my mom—” he blinks. “My mom isn’t here. We have to find Buck.” “I haven’t seen him,” Gabriella says, her voice a little sad. “There was nobody else with you when we saw you. But we can look for him together, okay?”

🔥 hey baby (i think i wanna marry you) by asteriasera / @asteriasera (Post-S6, Established Buddie, Proposal | 13K | Teen): Two months into officially dating Eddie, Buck begins to plan the perfect, extravagant proposal that his boyfriend deserves. As usual, nothing goes according to plan

🔥 finally found what i’ve been looking for by fleetinghearts/ @shitouttabuck (S7 Spec | 5K | Explicit): or, buck's good at basketball, eddie's trying really hard not to commit an act of public indecency about it, and maybe, just maybe, a slightly bloody beachside pick-up game can be the start of something new

paradise under a pine tree by Maira / @carrierofthepaperclips (Valentine's Day | 4K | Mature): ... or, the one where Eddie brings Buck a gift and ends up with a fiancé.

quiet my fears with the touch of your hand by devirnis/ @devirnis (S7 Spec | 1K | General): Eddie comes to with a burning in his chest and Buck’s name on his lips.

might as well be drunk in love by fleetinghearts/ @shitouttabuck (Madney Wedding, Bed Sharing | 2K | Teen): or, getting little-spooned by his drunk best friend was not on buck's maid-of-honour checklist, but. it's happening

WIP

🔥 Any Other Way by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon Divergent, S2 | 3/18 | 20K | Mature): In a switcheroo alternate universe, Buck spends young adulthood in the military, while Eddie, who has no idea Christopher exists, spends his twenties messing around, finally enjoying freedom away from his family’s expectations. When they both end up in Los Angeles, at the 118, some things are different, and others will be the same in any universe.

🔥 because we'll all arrive in heaven alive by callmenewbie/ @puppyboybuckley (Post-S6, Disaster Fic | 5/9 | 33K | Explicit): During a search and rescue, Eddie disappears without a trace, leaving Buck to grapple with the sudden possibility of a life without him.

🔥 Things We're All Too Young to Know by Daisies_and_Briar / @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon S1-S6, S7 Spec | 115/? | 339K | Mature): This is a love story. Even if it doesn’t always look like it. Even if it doesn’t always feel like it. A look back on Eddie and Buck's lives up to now, and what led them to each other, interpreted from the current 9-1-1 canon.

Kiss Me Once Cause You Know I Had A Long Night by I_still_dont_understand_13 / @sherlockcrossing (Prompt collection | 26/? | 17K | Teen): 100 kiss prompts.

27. 51. Spinning your lover into a kiss on the dancefloor

[juniperss]

I loved your baking stories 🥺 could I request a platonic sister reader where she's the youngest curtis and she gets nightmares like pony? Just some big brother comfort?? Soda is my favorite btw lol

*sits down and scooches my chair in so I can speak into my imaginary microphone* So....I had some ideas about this and then I mentioned this request to my bestie @a-libra-writes (who you guys might remember from my diner au) and we got to talkin'....for over 2 hours about little sister Curtis.....I have so many thoughts that I'll be posting a part II to this later that's purely just random headcanons about her! I hope you enjoy LOL and thank you for the wonderful request and the ideas!!

edit: here's part II to "little sister curtis"!!!

Curtis Brothers Comforting Their Sister:

(she/her pronouns used. TW/CW: talk of parental death, nightmares, themes of trauma and grief)

Being the youngest sibling would mean that she's at least 13 when the start of the book takes place and so that’s the age I’m gonna use! 

Ponyboy says that his nightmares are ones that he woke up screaming from almost every night for a while after his parent’s car accident, and even though he couldn’t remember what happened in those dreams they were the scariest thing he’s experienced. Now that’s fucking terrifying and one of the worst feelings because at least when you remember nightmares there’s the chance of logically working through them or talking them through. But not remembering what happened in them that caused such an intense reaction is maddening. 

Your nightmares started around the same time as Ponyboy’s ended. Your brothers aren’t sure why yours started after Ponyboy’s stopped, maybe it had something to do with you no longer feeling like you needed to look after your older brother when he was having nightmares? 

Regardless of why or when they started, they’re bad. You remember bits of your nightmares. Just fragments, pieces that you struggle to hold onto while you try to put together the bigger picture. You wake up crying and shaking, hardly able to get your breathing right and stumble towards Pony’s room next door

By this time Soda is now sleeping in Ponyboy’s room, having practically moved in during the previous rounds of nightmares, so you crawl up from the end of the bed in between the two of them. Pony is the one who wakes up first and he kicks Soda until he also notices that you’re there. 

You can’t tell them what happened, you’re still crying and scared, so Soda wraps you up in a hug and tells Ponyboy to grab Darry. Soda’s good at making anyone feel better even if he talks too much sometimes , but right now you don’t mind it. He’s just talking about everything; about work, about the girls who came in trying to flirt and asking you what you think about that. 

You don’t think you’ve seen Darry walk so fast as he comes down the hallway, Ponyboy trailing behind him, and eventually you’ve been passed around like a hot potato until you’re sat in between Soda and Darry, with Ponyboy sitting in front of you all on the small bed. 

Soda is still yapping away and soon Ponyboy has joined in. They’re trying to get your mind off the bad dream. But Darry’s got an arm around you trying to soothe away your shivering by rubbing your arm and Soda is tugging on your hair gently like he’s done since you were a toddler. Even if you’re closer to Ponyboy in age and usually go to Soda for comfort when you’ve hurt yourself or had a bad day, Darry is the one you’ve always gone to when you’re scared. 

Darry isn’t sure he wants to ask about your nightmares, is it the right thing to do? To see if you remember them and make you think about it again? He’s trying to recall if that’s what his mom did for him when he had bad dreams and if that’s what she would do for you. Eventually he settles for, “Wanna talk about it?” and waits for you to shake or nod your head. He won’t push it either way. 

Soda tells you stories about when you were little, about how Mom and Dad loved you. Because even if you can’t remember everything about the nightmares, he knows that it was about them being gone. Soda’s always been good at knowing what’s wrong when it comes to you. So he makes sure that you know you aren’t alone and that even if Mom and Dad are gone, they haven’t really left. 

Ponyboy grabs one of the books off his shelf and starts reading out loud to you. You’re not sure what the story is about, only half listening because you’re still shaken, but between Sodapop making comments about the characters or plot, Darry shushing him, and Pony’s steady narration, you do feel a bit better. 

The four of you stay on the bed like that until you fall asleep. Soda is the first to pass out, his head on top of yours. Ponyboy follows after and is spread out across the end of the bed. Darry stays awake til he feels your breathing even out and your full body weight is holding Soda upright, your head on his shoulder.

[wooahaeruby]

Chapter 17: When the Sun Shines

Chapter Word Count: 4,158

TW

None

Hi sorry, I've been busy with work! I apologize for note posting!

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Things were good, maybe a little too good, but good nonetheless. 

Since the night of the gala, the bruise on your arm had flourished and it was annoying to cover with longer sleeved blouses in the blistering summer heat, but you were able to manage. Seokmin or Jeonghan took turns driving you home from work each evening as usual. Jeonghan was more of the mentality of little dinner dates while Seokmin knew how much you enjoyed just getting home and relaxing. It was nice, having your best friend and crush always with you. They held together stressful days and tired nights. Jeonghan and you still weren’t exactly exclusive, which was fine, you kinda liked the slow, steady pace you were going at. He had even opened up some about his past which surprised you. 

“All I’m saying, Jeonghan, if you have a dark, evil, villain backstory, I won’t judge.” You had joked, enjoying the sweet treat of ice cream that you suggested and happily paid for. “I’ve told you a bit of mine.” 

“Your life was fucked up due to trauma and a failed support system, mine is fucked up because I was poor as hell.” He pointed at you with his spoon, rolling his eyes. “My story, which in turn is kinda Shua’s and Cheol’s story, is a lot more simple than what it seems. The three of us lived just outside the city, a low income area and all. My sister was adopted by a nice couple when she was young after our parents died but I was taken in by Kihyun’s mom and dad, his brother is….kinda…so the yakuza? Yeah, that’s real. Anyway, Cheol and I went to school together, he was also living on a tight paycheck to paycheck with his parents.. Joshua was last to move into the area with his mom.” 

You nodded along, sitting close to his side as he continued to explain between spoonfuls of ice cream. 

“Kihyun’s parents worked over sixty hours each and Joshua’s parents were almost never home between work so the four of us were thick as thieves. Cheol, Shua, and I were in our last years of highschool at the time when Kihyun’s mom got sick and his family and I couldn’t afford the medical care to cover all the bills. She passed away and his dad ended up drinking so any money was sparse. We kinda…” He sighed as he thought back, leaning against your side and resting his head against your head. “All three of us, Cheol, Kihyun and I, ended up being runners for this little group of druggies. Then when Shua’s dad lost his job, he ended up joining us to help his family out. We got paid well but Kihyun’s dad continued to drink until it killed him. Then suddenly we didn’t have a home, no family, we moved into the city. Cheol, Kihyun, Shua and I were crammed into a shitty one bedroom apartment for a while.

Shownu, or Shepard, made MX while slowly taking our old bosses' clients, Cheol was starting plans to make SVT. Kihyun he…How do I explain this…He started to influence Shownu into some really fucked up and crazy shit, killing people, stealing, all that. Cheol had this big, blow out fight with Kihyun and Shownu that ended with him in the hospital from them beating him badly…We stepped out rather quickly and were kind of on our own, Shua’s basement became the closest thing to a home since we had to leave the apartment. We were just three friends that were trying to find a place in the world.” 

With your dessert finished, you wrapped your arm around his waist, holding him close protectively. You couldn’t imagine how this could have been weighing on him for so many years, let alone not telling much to the group. 

“Somewhere along the lines we found the rest of SVT. It all gets blurred together over time. We stuck together through thick and thin though. Then Cheol was contacted by a lawyer regarding his estranged grandfather’s estate since he was the only family left and got a lot – and I mean a lot – of money. He invested it into the shipping company that took off as a big manufacturer and we started building our clientele for the ‘mafia’. The others were just little ducks that followed us and it just…happened. We only harm to protect what’s ours and yeah it’s all illegal and demanding but it’s…” 

Jeonghan lifted his head from yours and glanced at you. You faced him easily, seeing the serious glint in his eyes. 

“I’m fucked up for saying this but all of it; SVT, the stealing, the smuggling, all the expensive and stolen stuff we have…I wouldn’t trade it for the world. It’s fun. It’s exhilarating. It makes me feel alive.” 

Thinking back, you understood everything he said to a point. Their lives were already hell from the start, they drew every short end of the stick. They had to do what was needed to survive. Did you condone everything they did? No, you probably never would, but with the adversity you had seen and faced, you could see how the thirteen of them got into this life and stayed in it. You didn’t know about the rest of them but if it was anything like the oldest three, your heart hurt a little.

“I need advice!” Jeonghan pushed the door open to Seungcheol’s office at the penthouse. 

Seungcheol slowly raised his head from the file in his hand. Seungkwan and Jihoon stood before Cheol’s desk while Mingyu was sitting on the couch, his first day back on the job thanks to the boring month and half rest he got. 

“We are in the middle of a meeting, Jeonghan.” He sounded annoyed, dropping the papers on the desk. 

“And I’m having a crisis!” Dramatically, Jeonghan dropped himself on the couch beside Mingyu who snorted and patted the older man’s head. “And Shua will be here in five minutes to listen with you.” 

Seungcheol ignored him and looked back to the younger three in the room. “Since Mingyu is still on light duty, he can handle the paperwork of the clubs. Seungkwan, I want you on promotions for them and handling the outgoing shipments for Pledis . Jihoon, we have a cargo coming in soon with supplies for Pledis as well, make sure everything is accounted for.” 

Each of them nodded at their tasks and none of them moved yet. Seungcheol skimmed the file down on his desk, resting his chin on his palm.

“Scheduled shipments out to our clients start next week. No new cargo is coming in until two weeks from now. That’s all for the time being, dismissed.” 

With another nod, Mingyu, Jihoon, and Seungkwan left the room, the door shutting firmly behind them. Jeonghan sighed loudly – dramatically – and Seungcheol balled up a blank sheet of paper, tossing it at the younger man and it hit him on the head.

“What advice do you need, idiot?”

“I wanna wait for Shua.” Jeonghan pouted and Seungcheol was tempted to throw more than just a piece of paper at him once more. 

“First you barge into my office when I’m holding a meeting. Now you are wanting to wait for Joshua for some mid-life crisis? Why am I friends with you?” 

Jeonghan lifted his head, looking at Seungcheol then rolled his eyes. “Because no one else can tolerate your bullshit.” 

“I’m going to punch you.” 

“I need to stop letting Mouse hang around you. She is starting to sound like you.” 

“Maybe I'm a better influence than you are.” 

Jeonghan was ready to spring up in his own defense but Joshua’s entrance cut him off. “Why was I texted, ‘ 911, I’m dying’ ?” 

“Because I am!” Jeonghan shot up to his feet, stomping his feet childishly. “How do I ask Mouse to be my girlfriend properly?!” 

Joshua and Seungcheol shared a look, both unamused and apathetic. They had an unspoken conversation that Jeonghan couldn’t discern which only made him stomp his feet again. 

“Words! Use words!” 

“Do you wanna smack him or am I?” Joshua asked, disregarding the whining that came from Jeonghan. 

“Last time I think I did so he’s all yours.” Seungcheol waved a hand, motioning for Joshua to do the job. 

The youngest of three moved quickly and jabbed Jeonghan playfully in the side and got him into a loose headlock that Jeonghan didn’t even bother to fight. Jeonghan continued to whine and went limp, dead weight against Joshua’s body. Much to his dismay, Joshua gave Jeonghan a noogie and the older elbowed him in the stomach to be released, holding his head. 

“Assholes!”

Seungcheol laughed, loud and carefree, throwing his head back. Joshua stepped back, hands up in defeat, nose and eyes scrunched up in a wide smile laugh. 

“I’m being serious here! I need help! Stop laughing!” With a groan of aggravation, Jeonghan punched Joshua in the arm (he didn’t even flinch) and tossed the ball of paper at Seungcheol. “You guys suck!” 

“Just-” Cheol tried to catch his breath, shoulders shaking still. “Just ask her out, moron-” 

“It is literally one of the easiest things you can do.” Joshua chimed in, sitting back on the couch. “Just take her out to a nice place and bring her home, at her doorstep just…” Joshua cleared his throat and did the best impersonation of Jeonghan he could. “Mouse, will you be my girlfriend?” 

That had Cheol roaring in laughter once more, hitting his fist on the desk. 

“God- Who knew the great Jeonghan would be freaking out over asking Mouse of all people out-” 

He was nervous.

Sitting across from Mouse at a more upscale restaurant than they’d typically go to, Jeonghan was trying to keep his leg from bouncing. She was talking animatedly about a game where she was going against Wonu and absolutely wiped the floor with him. Something about a ‘one v one’ and characters named Sett (who Mouse ‘mained’) and Sylas (who Wonu picked). There was something thrown in there about a pool party skin and something about Wonwoo being a furry. He was paying attention, he swore he was focused on her words, but he couldn’t remember the game those characters were from at the moment because she was so damn distracting.

She looked really pretty. Like really pretty. When Jeonghan picked her up from her apartment, he knew he was done for. It was just a black dress, it was the simplest of things, but it hugged her body well, stopping mid-thigh. The neckline was straight but the almost bishop type sleeves made with black sheer fabric was stunning on her. The rose gold details in the jewelry had him quaking in his shoes.

He wanted to wine and dine her tonight before walking her all the way back to her apartment door and asking her to be his girlfriend officially. After his bullying session from Seungcheol and Joshua, Jeonghan reached out to Seokmin…and Seungkwan to see if they had any other advice which all boiled down to the same thing; take Mouse out to a nice dinner, share a dessert, and when he brought her home, ask her out. It was a simple thing to do, but his heart was fluttering and there were butterflies in his stomach, sending shivers down his spine. 

“Do you want to share something for dessert?” The question piqued Mouse’s interest and she nodded, leaning her elbows on the table and holding her head in her palms. 

“I’d love to, what do you want?” 

“What do you want?” He countered, mimicking her position. 

She snickered and hummed quietly. “I will not lie. The menu said there were chocolate lava cakes and I’ve been thinking about it all dinner.”

“Then lava cake it is.” He was quick to flag down the waitress and ordered it, settling back into the held up head position she was still sitting in. 

“You look tired, Han.” Her voice was soft, reaching out to brush a few strands of his hair out of his face. “Have you been sleeping?” 

“Ah~ Don’t worry about it. Things have been busy the past couple days. Once things settle I’ll be sure to rest.” 

She didn’t look that pleased with his answer but withdrew her hand. “You better or I’m telling Shua.” 

“Traitor.” 

“You love it.” She snarked back and he snickered. 

“A match made in hell.”

She covered her mouth to laugh, her shoulders shaking and she curled up on herself. 

The waitress was quick to bring the dessert, placing the plate down. Jeonghan was quick to lean back in his seat and Mouse followed, folding her hands on the table. He watched as her eyes lit up, her gaze never leaving the heavenly dessert until it was placed down and the waitress walked away. When she lifted her eyes to his, he melted a bit inside. Mouse looked so happy and downright adorable. 

Sharing the dessert was more a grumble of hums and Mouse wiggling happily in her seat. Jeonghan was savoring every spoonful of ice cream and chocolate cake, but more importantly, watching Mouse enjoy herself. The nerves in his stomach were still present but the more he mentally hyped himself up, the more confident he felt in everything or well…unless Mouse said no to being his girlfriend, then he would rather be home, eating really shitting junk food, and curling up with someone because he would need emotional support. 

“Are you okay?” Mouse spoke up, holding one of his hands between both of hers as he drove her home. 

He peered at her from the corner of his eye and he snickered. “I’m fine, Mouse.” 

She pouted, drawing small patterns on his palm. “You seem distracted.” 

Am I being that obvious? He mentally scolded himself. 

“Have I? I doubt that~” He laced his fingers with hers, pulling into the parking garage for her building. “I’m just a busy man, Mouse.” 

Before she got a chance to respond, Jeonghan exited the car and rounded over to her side, pulling the door open. Mouse took his hand when he reached out and Jeonghan smiled, pulling her up gently. Walking up to her apartment, he stayed close, swinging their joined hands which made her laugh under her breath and smile. 

“Mouse- Y/N…” Jeonghan stopped her once she unlocked her door, taking a deep breath in. She looked uneasy at the mention of her name. 

He paused, taking both of her hands into his, biting his lip nervously. “Look I-” He met her eyes, running his thumbs over her knuckles. “I’ve been taking all of this slow and I’ve really enjoyed every single date, the movie nights at the house with everyone, and just spending time with you. It’s been amazing and it warms my heart a lot…I was wondering if you’d like to officially…be my girlfriend.” 

The fast beating of his heart was making him lightheaded. 

Mouse’s face shifted from a look of concern to bright red cheeked and flustered. Her eyes were open wide and her mouth hung open the slightest bit but she didn’t say anything. Anxiety bubbled in his chest, thinking the absolute worst- 

“I-” She pushed out the breath she held in then smiled, nodding her head quickly. “Yeah. Yes, Jeonghan. I’d love to be your girlfriend.” 

Jeonghan looked…too happy coming home from his date with Mouse. 

Seungcheol had been sitting on an armchair, legs kicked up on the coffee table with Wonwoo and Mingyu sitting on the other couch. He was watching the two of them play something on the taller man’s Switch when Jeonghan floated in from the garage, it was weird. He was humming to himself as he went to the fridge, getting himself a bottle of water and leaning against the counter, ignoring his friends. 

Cheol looked to Wonwoo who turned back from peering at Jeonghan and he raised a brow, almost asking if he knew anything. Wonwoo’s flat expression shifted into a smirk, pulling out his phone and quickly tapping away. For a moment he paused and his nose scrunched up in a muted laugh.

“Finally!” Seokmin’s voice was heard down the hall and a fast footfall followed. “It took you long enough!” 

Snorting in amusement, Seungcheol watched as Seokmin barreled into the room and stood opposite of Jeonghan at the kitchen island. 

“Don’t finally me, I didn’t want to fuck it up.” Jeonghan shot back, downing some of the water. “I thought I was going to shit myself with how nervous I was the entire night.” 

“It couldn’t have been that bad.” Seokmin countered, leaning himself on his elbows. “Mouse is chill when it comes down to it. She was very happy when I talked to her on the phone earlier.”

Jeonghan waved his hand around subtly to find the words but sighed, a smile on his face. “She looks so pretty. Like…dude, she looked gorgeous and I kept staring because she was dazzling.”

Seungcheol and Mingyu both fake gagged. Wonwoo’s shoulders shook in another silent laugh. He watched as Jeonghan and Seokmin glared at them. 

“Shut up, my best friend is hot.” 

“Yeah, my girlfriend is hot!” Jeonghan stuck his tongue out childishly. 

That only made him and Mingyu gag again. 

“I feel like I'm in a frat house.” Jeonghan rolled his eyes. 

Wonwoo’s deep laugh rumbled. “Sometimes it smells like a frat house.” 

Seungcheol grabbed a pillow and flung it at the younger man across the living room. “Yah! Everyone at least showers regularly!” 

“And everyone forgets to do laundry until the last minute!” 

“You are always home in Pandora! You have the time to! Maybe I should make you do everyone's laundry!” Seungcheol threw his head back in laughter at the disgust that spread on Wonwoo’s face. 

“I would rather die.” 

“That’s what I thought.” Seungcheol shot Wonwoo a cocky smirk. 

“Why did you bring me here?” You tossed the stress ball you found in the air, laying on the couch in the small office. 

“Because I’m bored, I have to look at paperwork, and I might as well bring a friend.” Mingyu sat behind the dark mahogany wood desk, a claw clip that he took from your bag earlier holding his hair back from his face. “Plus everyone is busy this weekend but you are free and I’m in the city.” 

Catching the ball and dropping your arm to hang off the couch, you leaned your head back to see his upside down form against the dark red accent wall, surrounded by the pitch black of the other walls. Mingyu was focused on the files he was reading, he had shrugged off his jacket when he led you through the back entrance to Ruby earlier, straight into the officer from the locked back staircase. 

Standing up, you lazed over to the large window that rested in the corner of the wall opposite of the desk Mingyu sat at. With no interference from the walkway to the left beyond the door beside the window, you overlooked the lower VIP area and a majority of the dance floor. The club was still closed, it was mid-afternoon on a Saturday, and the employees were spending plenty of time cleaning every inch of the building on Mingyu’s orders. As of right now, over an hour since arriving, looking down at the floor, no one was present unlike earlier when Mingyu first told them to get started. 

While glad you got out of the house, you wanted entertainment, something to do. Last weekend, Jeonghan and you had made everything official but he did say he’d be heading out of town this weekend with a group of the guys for business with Ateez. The only ones left in the city were Junhui, Minghao, Mingyu, Cheol, Wonwoo, and Jihoon, and you knew spending time with Mingyu or Minghao would be the best way to spend your time than with any of the others. You didn’t want to clean your apartment and if you were at the house you’d be cooking just to pass the time. 

Speaking of Ateez, Fennec , who you learned was named Wooyoung, was absolutely blowing up your phone. It wasn’t even actual stuff that mattered, most times it was memes or video game references that you did know but refused to admit. He wanted to hang out when his group and the youngest three got back, maybe bring some of Dreamcatcher members along. Now that you’ve seen inside Ruby, maybe you’d be able to snag seats at the very nice and very cushy upper VIP area that Jihoon books out for the filthy rich or mafia meetings . 

“This is boring.” Turning around to face Mingyu, he looked back at you with a pout and a roll of his eyes. 

“And what do you want me to do about that, Mouse? I have to finish all this before the club opens.” 

“Can I go downstairs?” 

“I don’t know, can you?” 

Your face dropped into a deadpan expression. “ May I punch you in the face? Please?” 

“Wah, Jeonghan is right, you are spending too much time around Cheol.” Mingyu sat back in the leather chair, mouth agape but a half smile on his spread lips. 

“What- I barely even see him half the time, he barely talks to me.” 

“But when you do, you gotta admit, you’d rather be throwing hands with him.” 

“Well- I mean-” You stammered, crossing your arms over your chest. “Cheol kinda does have a punchable face…”

“I’m telling Jeonghan-” Mingyu whipped his phone from his pocket, shifting oddly in his seat to get it out. “He is going to love this-” 

“I’ve already told him before…” 

Mingyu paused before his smile just spread wider and he laughed with his whole chest. He looked so bright and childlike in comparison to the professional crisp white, collar shirt and gray suit slacks. But he still looked dumb with the clip on the top of his head holding his hair back. “I need more tea nights with you, Minghao, and Seokmin.” 

“I can tell you all about how I whooped Wonu’s ass in League. Now get back to work, I’m going to see if anyone needs help downstairs.” 

“You don���t have to-” 

“Enjoy the paperwork~” 

Making your way out the door, the soft thrum of a non-lyrical beat quietly filling the space. The walkway was decently wide, a couple feet, boarded on the side with a half-wall and a small railing to protect anyone from going over the side of it. You ran your hand over the railing, following the path towards the stairs at the other end of the walkway, stopping at the stereotypical red ropes that ‘gated’ off the office from the upper VIP area. 

Unclasping the rope and securing it once more when past it, you took in the black and red scheme that bathed the area. The couches and tables were much nicer than the ones you could see downstairs, the lights were on but dim, feeding into whatever ambiance that Jihoon probably wanted to give off. With the half-wall beyond the walkway, it gave more privacy to the area above if patrons looked up, but anyone could stand by it and look down upon the masses that filled the floor below. 

No one was upstairs currently, the tables were shining and dust free, probably cleaned not that long ago. With nothing of interest, you walked towards the staircase, the same red rope that you got past, and headed down to the main floor. 

Standing at the foot of the stairs, you nodded to yourself as you took in the room. Under the overhang of the office and upper VIP area was the bar. Its center island held different tiers with decently priced liquors to some more expensive name brands near the top shelves. The outer counters were surrounded by plenty of cushioned, well maintained bar stools for patrons to occupy. From above the dance floor was huge, but being able to stand in the middle of it was weird. It probably didn’t feel as large when it was packed with bodies. With tables encompassing the outer edges of the room, you leisurely made your way around alongside them, hoping to find someone working to get something to do. 

“Ya, what are you doing?” Jihoon’s voice startled you and you whipped around to find where he was. Towards the front of the building, Jihoon stood at the double door entrance to the club, dressed in a crisp black button-up and matching black trousers. His hair was slicked back out of his face and the sleeves were being rolled up as he spoke. 

“I was bored.” Shrugging your shoulders, pointing up towards the office. “ ‘Gyu is doing work and I didn't want to sit around anymore.” 

“You want to help me with something then?” 

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[ashisill]

Waited all my life.

Dad Josh that was supposed to be a blurb, but turned into my longest fic ever. Update I am going to make this into a part 2.

Warnings: pregnancy, birth (at home), mentions of childhood trauma, crying. If I missed any let me know.

~

Josh was in love with your baby the moment you found out you were pregnant. It started when you were a day late. No big deal it will come. Two days there’s still plenty of hope. Three … no worry. Then the two week mark hit, and you knew something was up.

“Josh I need to talk to you” you said sitting him down on the bed.

“Right now sweetheart? Jake and Danny are downstairs” he questioned.

“Josh it’s really important it can’t wait” you reassured him.

“Okay darling I am here talk to me” he took your hands into his.

“I am late”

“By how many days?” He asked.

You said softly “two weeks”

“Do you think it’s a possibility?”

“I feel weird Josh. I just can’t explain it”

“Okay darling I hear you. we’ll get a test and go from there okay? Don’t worry”

That’s all it took for him to hop in the car. He got you what you needed, making sure to bring a few of your favorite snacks back. You sat on the couch with Jake and Danny. Listening to all their crazy stories. Jake told you about the last time he took mushrooms, and all the wild shit that came with it. Danny added some stories of his own to the mix. Josh arrived back home with the box of pregnancy test in hand.

Jake stops mid sentence “pregnancy scare huh?

“Might be more than a scare”

~

You walked out of the bathroom, and waited for the timer. You got lost in the conversation. It almost seemed like that was Jake’s plan. He could tell your anxiety was through the roof. Every time he’d notice you starting to zone out he would bring you back. He did the best he could until that dreaded ringtone burst into the cozy conversation.

“Can I come with you or would you rather do it alone?” Josh asked looking down praying you’d let him in.

“Of course I want you with me silly” you laughed softly before opening the bathroom door. “You ready?”

He stared at the faced down pregnancy test, and took a deep breath“yes”.

You saw it

You knew it was true. Every emotion hit you at once. “Hey it’s gonna be okay. Lemme make sure” Josh took off sprinting into the living room. He grabbed the paper and there it said.

“Two lines” he said almost a whisper “Y/N TWO FUCKING LINES!”

He ran back as fast as he could. You felt like crying, but you didn’t want him to think you were upset. Instead you wrapped your arms around his neck giving him a kiss. “Your gonna be the best dad darling”

The rest of the night went well. Jake wrapped Josh in his arms for a long and tight hug. “I am so happy for you brother”. Jake knew Josh had always wanted to be a dad. Growing up he’d always dreamed of it. When they reached adulthood together he’d would always ask Jake if he ever thought about having kids. He’d tell him all his hopes for a future. Then he met you, and he told Jake it would be you. You would be the one to give him his dream. A little baby. A bundle of joy. A child to pour all his love into. Your the only one he’s ever thought about having kids with. He’s brought it up before, but never flat out asked if you were ready. Making little comments like “I just can’t wait to have kids”. “We’re gonna be such good parents one day”. Or when he sees a baby in public, and he gets a big warm smile “don’t you just want you one?”

A few days past he asked you about telling his parents. You talked about it for a while and decided to give them a call in the morning. The next day came and immediately he was on the phone telling his mom to get the next flight to Nashville. He spent all day pacing around the house. Cleaning things that didn’t to be clean, reorganizing, cleaning some more.

The front door opened no need for knocking. They reunited talking loudly over each other, and lots of hugs. It didn’t matter that you saw them all a week ago. Sam came in after his parents. Jake making a big entrance almost an hour after everyone arrived.

Jake and Josh headed outside to throw some food on the grill. You stayed in chatting with his family. They were pretty much your family at this point.

~

After everyone finished their meal Josh stood up. He signaled for you to stand with him, and so you did.

“Guys I need everyone’s attention” he kissed your forehead, and placed an hand on your belly. “We’re gonna have a baby. She’s pregnant”. That’s all it took for everyone to be back on their feet. Hugging the both of you. A few tears were shed from his momma. You loved her dearly. Karen was the first one to take you in, and treat you like her own.

You looked over at Sam to find his jaw dropped. “No words Sammy?”

“I am so fucking happy for you” he ran and wrapped you in a hug. You were surprised by this Sammy was never affectionate towards you. In return you hugged him tighter, and stayed there for a while.

Papa Kiszka noticing jakes nonchalant reaction he asked him about it. Jake explained that him and Danny were there you found out. Karen was very jealous. She would have loved to of been there when you found out. She’s been waiting for grandkids. She always said Josh would be the first to give her some. Guess moms are always right.

~

The next 9 months we’re spent planning, and heavy thinking. Karen there every step of the way. Sometimes getting to much in your business, and josh getting annoyed at her. You always reminded him how lucky he is to have her. Your mother wasn’t quite the mothering type. Hence to all your childhood trauma. You knew you would never let your kid grow up the way you did. That’s why you decide to not let her know you were pregnant. You didn’t want her involved with this life your creating. She always ruined yours. You never want your baby to feel how you had too.

You and Josh being the non traditional people that you are. You’ve decided to an at home birth. A water birth. Karen supported your decision adding that the hospital is very pushy. Plus all the hospitals policies were something Josh and you didn’t agree with. Knowing Josh would end up with wrinkles and grey hair with all that stress before the baby was even born. After all you didn’t want to be told how to give birth. It’s your body’s natural process, and not a medical emergency. You two like to do things a natural way. That meaning literally everything you two did.

Of course you made sure this was completely safe to do. Making sure you weren’t high risk, and assuring the babies safety.

~

Names names names.

“What about _?”

“You really wanna name our kid _? Do you want our poor baby to get made fun of?”

“Okay then. Your so dramatic mama. What about this one?”

“Joshua really”

“Well considering we planned on not knowing the gender till birth it has to work both ways”

“I’ve got one … River”

And it stuck.

~

A couple weeks past and Josh’s family had a huge family gathering. Celebrating a few birthdays that were past or coming up, the boys success with the band, and to announce your baby on the way. You two slept over that night to help set up the next morning. Josh woke up, and decided to let you sleep. He covered the blankets back over you, and headed for the kitchen. You awoke about an hour later not feeling so well.

“Good morning my pretty girl” he kissed your forehead. “How’s our baby?” He bent down kissing your stomach.

“Babies good. I am not feeling so great though” you told him. “ I feel like I am gonna be sick”

“Oh it’s morning sickness my dear” Karen told you finishing up breakfast.

You felt it rising, and looked around frantically for a safe place. Josh could tell by the look on your face what was about to happen. “Trash can sweetheart” he quickly walked you to it.

You felt terrible even tho you couldn’t help it. Tears threatening your eyes, and you tried to hide them well. “Hey don’t even worry about it sweet girl”. Josh’s kind words making you want to crawl into his arms and cry. “Don’t cry angel”. He swiped his fingers under your eyes to dry up any tears.

You apologized to Karen she just waved her hand, and said “you have nothing to be sorry about. Trust me I’ve had four kids I know how it feels”. Josh took you to the bathroom to run you a shower. He sat on the bathroom counter and talked to you as you cleaned up. After, you greeted his family and announced the news again, but to a bigger crowd this time.

~

Around three months in you and josh started on the nursery. You painted the walls a beautiful shade of light blue. One evening you went to the store to grab a certain snack. Pregnancy cravings are no joke. You came back to find josh painting little clouds on the wall. He picked the wall the crib was going on.

“Josh” you said looking at the clouds.

“I got carried away we can paint over them I just-”

“No no no love it’s perfect. The baby is gonna love em” you said tearing up. Surely just the pregnancy hormones, but this was a beautiful moment. “Awe baby don’t cry” he took you in a hug. “I am glad you like them”

~

Nearing the time of your due date Karen stayed with you. She slept in the guest bedroom so you never had to be alone. One night you’ve began feeling contractions, so Karen started timing them. You were in pain, but enough to function. You moved around a a yoga ball josh insisted you buy. Josh began playing music through the speakers. At this point joshs closest family was there. Along with your closest friends.

“Come dance with me darling” josh held his hand out.

You giggled through the contractions “josh I can’t”.

“Don’t lie to me” he joked “C’mon on ya feet I’ll hold you up”.

How could you stay no to that?

You began dancing more like waddling around with josh. Then suddenly the feeling of water dripped down your legs. You looked down immediately knowing what just happened. Josh knew too “Her water broke!” Josh shouted.

Everyone sprung into action. The midwife was called and the small circular inflatable birthing pool was put up. You got in the pool with help from josh.

Only Karen, josh, and the midwife were in the room now. Giving you your space as they all waited anxiously in your living room.

“I can’t josh” you cried in pain.

“Yes you can your so fucking strong” josh stood on the side holding you up as you bent over the pool side.

You gripped Josh leaving finger nail prints on his arm.

“Your almost there I promise” Karen told you.

You squeezed the fuck out of Josh’s hand as he talked you through it. “It’s almost over darling. I am so fucking proud of you” his eyes started to swell this tears. “I am so proud of you” he whispered.

One final push

The moment you waited 9 whole months for was before you. A thousand feelings hit you. Sad? Happy? Relieved? Pain? No a feeling that didn’t have a name. You couldn’t explain it because you’ve never felt it before. I sense a change. Protectiveness. A motherly feeling.

The midwife carefully examined, and lifted the newborn out of the water. The gender was announced, and josh started crying harder. The baby was laid on your chest as tears streamed down your face.

After some time the question was asked “Anyone cutting the umbilical cord?”

Josh’s eyes met yours. “Would you like to?” You asked him.

“I would love to”

He was showed where to cut it once he lined it up he asked if it was right just to make sure. He got the go ahead, and cut the umbilical cord.

~

You josh got a moment alone.

“May I?” Josh said asking to sit in the water with you.

“Please” you said. When he sat down softly you handed him his daughter. Karen being the only one beside you two who knew the gender yet.

“She’s so beautiful” he began to cry. “Just like her mama. I am so happy to meet you baby” He rambled to his daughter for quite some time.

“I’ve waited all my life for you”

An hour past and your excitement grew “When do you want to show them?” You asked.

“Whenever your ready mama” he said handing her back to you. You told him you were, but asked if he wanted to let Jake announce the gender. He got teary eyed again more than happy to let his twin be involved. When Karen came back you requested Jake come in alone for a minute.

“They said there about ready, but they’d like Jake to come in alone first” Karen said.

“Me?” Jake stood up and gently opened the door. He immediately washed his hands before heading over to you.“Oh my god. It’s not bald” he laughed.

“No she’s not” you laughed.

“It’s a girl” he smiled “I fucking knew it”

You started handing River over to Jake. “Are you sure?”

“Yes of course. We want to ask you something as well” you said looking at josh to finish.

“Would you like to announce the gender?” Josh said.

“I would fucking love to. Are you sure?” You both nodded, and looked down at the infant in his arms. “Hey little girl it’s uncle Jakey. Well aren’t you just the prettiest”

You watched josh and he looked at Jake with complete love in his eyes. Watching his twin brother hold his daughter made all this seem real. Tears ran down his face again making you start to cry.

“Oh god don’t do that” Jake said looking at you two. He looked down again “your gonna make me cry to pretty girl” his eyes began to water. He looked up and took a breath refusing to let them fall. “Emotional moment ay?”

You laughed at Jake’s attempt to stop the tears.

“Ugh I guess I gotta share ya huh? You ready to meet em sweetheart?”

~

Everyone was called in, and the room was filled with love as everyone gasps and cooed at the newborn. Jake still held her in his arms as his sister Ronnie tried to take her.

“Back off” he joked. “I’ve got news folks” the room went quite “Rivers a girl”.

As calm and relaxed as Karen’s been the whole journey you began to watch her eyes swell. Not only was it her first granddaughter, but that josh needed Jake to be included. No matter how old they may get they still needed each other. As much as you’d need oxygen to breathe. Even though this was Josh’s moment he needed Jake to share it with.

[issdisgrace]

14TH BIRTHDAY

WARNINGS: SEXUAL ASSAULT, smoking, trauma, nightmares, james tartt is a shit father

Leaning on the balcony, I smoke a cigarette, taping to ashes off over the side. I sigh before taking another drag, lost too much in thought. I don’t notice Roy open the balcony door.

“Y/n.” I just hum in response as I look out into the night. 

“Another nightmare.” He asks. I just nod as he wraps his arm over my hunched shoulders.

“You want to talk about it? Your therapist said it would be good, too.”

“Remember how I told you how James would constantly try to get on my mom’s good side after he cheated or did some shit stuff? Well, it was mine and Jamie’s 14th birthday and James did god knows what and wanted to get back on mom’s good side, so he took us out for our birthday. We did all this stuff, then at the end of the night he took us to sex workers to lose our virginities so we could officially become real men. It was one of the most traumatizing night in my whole life. I couldn’t even look at any women without feeling ill. I couldn’t even look at my own mom. My mom, for christ sakes It took so long to be able to look at or be touched by her without feeling sick. I avoided her at all coast, she gave me space which I’m glad she did but when mine and Jamie’s 15th birthday came around. She mentioned our father was going to take us to see the football game for our birthday instead because she had to work. I woke up feeling absolute dread and before our dad came to pick us up, I ended up having such a bad panic attack that I passed out and I had to go to the hospital. Thats when I first met my psychiatrist, and I was urged to talk to him by my mom. I hated the thought of telling anyone, but eventually I told him everything and we worked together for a year and got me back to the point I could look at and talk with women without being sick to my stomach. That was also the year that me and Jamie started to drift apart. I still think he holds a grudge against me for making us miss our birthday that year. We were supposed to go see you play that year. We were both so excited, but I ruined that. I know I shouldn’t feel guilty after all the years and after mending our relationship, but I can’t help it.”

“I’m so sorry.” Roy says, pulling me into him. I slowly let my guard down and cry into his neck as he rubs my back. We stay like that for god knows how long, but eventually Roy leads me back into the house and to bed. We get into bed and he pulls the covers over us before kissing my forehead and I slowly fall asleep in his arms.

I stare up at the ceiling, running what Y/n told me over and over again. I can’t believe a father would do such a thing to his own fucking son. God, if I could get my fucking hands on that fucker, he would be dead. Calm down, Roy, calm down. No need to be going to jail. You can’t help or protect Y/n if you're in jail.

[tinyinvadr]

Next chapter’s up!

Psychoborrower 2

Chapter 17

Right as we left Gristol’s mind, Hollis, Sasha, Milla, and Coach arrived.

“Were you just in the Grand Head of the Psychonauts?!”

To my surprise, Norma stepped forward. Though, maybe it was just to cover her own ass. Hard to say.

“Agent Nein, it’s not what it looks like!”

Milla sighed. “Kids, we just saw you come out.”

“But we weren’t in my Dad’s mind! That’s the mole!”

“No, the mole is Nick Johnsmith! Sasha figured it out, but I always had my suspicions.”

Coach smirked proudly, as if he wasn’t one of “Nick”’s biggest defenders.

They started to move in towards Gristol’s body, but we blocked their path.

“No, his brain’s not in there! It’s in my Dad’s head! Ugh, we don’t have time for this, we’ve gotta find his real brain!”

Lili grabbed Raz by the hand and pulled us both out the door, pushing past the agents.

He tried to keep up with her, but when Lili’s got her mind set on something, it can be tough to rein her in. She had already run far ahead of us by the time the storm started.

A watery cyclone was fast approaching from the Heptadome. Gristol went and did it. He awakened Maligula. Idiot.

“Okay, there’s a big swirling vortex of death behind us and all of the adults are back at the Heptadome, what do we do?!”

“We should get back to the campsite. Maybe my Dad can help.”

That was our best option, but I couldn’t help but be concerned for his mental state. I wasn’t sure how long it would take for his memories to come back, but even if they hadn’t recovered, seeing Maligula again was sure to bring back trauma for him.

When we arrived at the campsite, the Aquatos were all gathered in front of one of the tents. Augustus sat in the center, his head in his hands. It looked like he’d been crying.

Donatella was the first to notice us. She flashed the slightest smile when she greeted us, though there was still a somber look in her eyes.

“Hello, boys. He’s… been remembering some things.”

Raz’s older brother let out a frustrated sigh. “I knew we shouldn’t have come here.”

“Dion, please. Not now.”

He immediately shut up after his mother scolded him, then turned his attention back to Augustus. Raz sat down beside him, wrapping him in a hug.

“Oh, Razputin… I lost them. I lost… everyone.”

It seemed all of his memories came back at once. It was like he was forced to relive that terrible day when he lost his parents and was taken away to the orphanage all over again. And… he remembered my family.

I knew that restoring his memories would ultimately be a good thing, but I hadn’t considered that bringing them back would also bring back the pain. All those years, he never worried about what happened to them because he couldn’t remember them.

Everyone went quiet for a moment, all of us huddling together to comfort him. I was unsure if him seeing Mom again right away was the right move, but then again, there would never really be a “right” time for that sort of thing.

I was about to try and make a telepathic connection with her to ask her to come over, but I didn’t need to. I heard her and Dad approaching.

“Reed, what if he still doesn’t remember? I don’t know if I can handle doing this again…”

“You can, honey. I know you can. You’re the strongest person I know. Now, go.”

After a second, Raz’s younger sister, Mirtala, scooted aside, letting Mom through. The entire family looked down at her, waiting for her to speak. I can only imagine how intimidating it must have looked from her perspective, but she didn’t look shaken by it at all.

“Gus?”

He lifted his head, staring at her for a second until it clicked.

“Sibi!”

As if they’d never been separated, Augustus scooped her up and held her close.

“Oh, Sibi, I thought for sure… You were back in the caravan, and by the time I came back, you were… And I didn’t…”

“It’s okay, Gus. I’m here now. And I’m not going anywhere.”

I stared in disbelief for a second. “Wait, Mom, does that mean we’re staying?”

She smiled. “Of course, Flint. I had my doubts about the Psychonauts, but you and Raz brought my best friend back. I’m confident that they’ll have at least two great agents going forward.”

Raz chuckled, that ego of his seeping through. “Oh, they will.”

Unfortunately, by that point we could no longer ignore the approaching cyclone. We needed to somehow get close enough to Lucrecia to get back into her mind without getting washed away.

“We need to get back in there. Any ideas?”

At that, Dion grabbed Raz by the shoulders and started shaking him. With me still being on his shoulder, I have to say I did not appreciate it.

“What, are you crazy?! That thing’s gonna kill you! Are you forgetting about the curse that’s plagued us our entire lives?!”

“It’s not real, Dion. Ford made it up so Nona wouldn’t remember being Maligula. In fact, I’m pretty sure I inherited her Hydrokinesis. Not sure how to control it yet, but maybe if I figure that out, I’ll be able to stop her!”

I looked around and noticed that Frazie was no longer standing beside the rest of her family. She had to have snuck away when the conversation shifted to the curse. She may not have been ready to tell them the truth, but we needed her help.

“Hey, uh, Raz? Can you put me down? Gotta pee.”

“Really? Now?”

“Yes now! It’s been one thing after another today and I’ve been holding it for hours!”

“Ew! Ugh, fine, just go, but make it quick.”

He put me down, giving me my chance to go after Frazie. Thankfully, she didn’t go far. I found her sitting on her own, staring endlessly at the approaching cyclone as if entranced by it.

“Frazie, come on, we need you to help us with Maligula!”

She sighed, shaking her head. “Flint, I told you, I can’t. I’ll only make things worse.”

“You don’t know that for sure. And Raz thinks he might have Hydrokinesis powers too, but he doesn’t know how to control them. If the two of you work together, it might be enough to beat her!”

“It doesn’t matter. Either way, my parents go right back to being afraid of psychics, Dad casts Nona out of the family and gives up on using his powers for good, and Raz and I are back at square one. We’re all better off just running away. At least then none of us will get killed. And I won’t get written off as a monster.”

I tried to think of a way to convince her, but I wasn’t sure how. I got the sense she wouldn’t be willing to listen to my insistence that everything would turn out fine, and I wasn’t 100% sure myself of what the future held for us.

“I don’t know if it means anything, but I don’t think you’re a monster. Besides, it wasn’t her powers that made her become Maligula. Your Nona was manipulated and pushed to her breaking point. She was alone and vulnerable, and Gzar Theodore took advantage of that. But we can still help her. Things won’t go back to the way they were before, but maybe that’s a good thing. We’ll all get a second chance to start over. To be better.”

She smiled, holding her hand out for me to climb on.

“I’d like that.”

We returned to the group, and Donatello immediately pulled Frazie aside.

“Ah, there you are! There isn’t much time, we need you for the Devil’s Firehose!”

“What? Now?”

“Of course! How else are we supposed to get your brother to Nona?”

I leapt from Frazie’s hand onto Raz’s shoulder, and for a solid minute, he looked back and forth between the two of us.

“Why were you with my sister?”

“Not the main issue right now, let’s go!”

We headed to the edge of the cliff, and from there, Donatella took charge. I was surprised to see the youngest child, Queepie, was the strongman of the group. He easily held up the entire family as they stacked on top of each other.

Raz secured me in his pocket and began his climb up the tower of acrobats. On the way up, Augustus briefly smiled at me.

“Thank you for bringing her back, Flint.”

I gave him a quick nod, and Raz continued to climb, meeting Mirtala at the top.

“You ready?”

Raz and I exchanged a glance. The entire time we’d known each other, we knew we could never truly be ready. Neither of us expected to get to where we were back when he first showed up at camp. And yet, despite all of that, despite how unready we were, I knew we could handle it. We’d come so far, and there wasn’t a thing in the world that could stop us.

“As we’ll ever be.”

With that, Mirtala launched us straight into the storm, and with a swift throw of the psycho-portal, we went headfirst into Lucrecia’s mind.

Right away, I could see that her mental world looked very different in comparison to when we were in it before. The whole place was flooded, and there wasn’t a trace of the quilted forest or flea circus. Instead, we stood in a memory of Grulovia, destroyed in the flood. And in the center of it all was a statue of Maligula.

Raz panicked upon seeing it and PSI-Blasted it, releasing some stray thoughts. He used Mental Connection to pull us along the trail, and we witnessed the memory of his grandparents’ death.

“I really wish I could’ve met them…”

“I saw them in my Mom’s mind. I mean, I know it’s just a memory and it’s not really them, but, maybe she’ll let you see them too.”

He smiled. “I’d appreciate that. But first we need to save the family that’s still here.”

We returned to the main plaza, where Maligula’s massive glowing eyes glared down at us from behind the watery curtain. Taking a deep breath, Raz approached her.

“Um… Hi. I’m Razputin, your great nephew. Ah, I’m not saying I’m ‘great’ or anything, just… My grandma was your sister, and she wouldn’t want you to be evil anymore. I don’t either… because you’re still family.”

She went into a fit of maniacal laughter in response.

“Family? You’re just another unruly peasant that needs to be WASHED AWAY!!!”

This was it. The fight was on. I shifted to human form and stood beside Raz, taking on a defensive stance. I wasn’t sure how, but we had to beat her somehow. Everyone was counting on us. Our families, our friends, the world itself was at stake.

But whatever it took, we were gonna make sure the reign of Maligula would end once and for all.

[deceptive-daydreams]

Thinking about smoke signals Eddie and how maybe he’s finally getting a Christmas where that flicker of holiday magic blooms in him chest. He’s got something -someone- that makes him feel hopeful and worth it. Every night he looks forward to the next day with anticipation instead of dread - the way a kid counts down the days to Christmas morning. He knows he’s nearing something special and magical even if he can’t fully put that into words yet.

I’m thinking too much

i woke up to this with the biggest smile on my face cause my mindset has been "no one cares about smoke signals anymore cause you take too long to update" so just know that you have me kicking my feet and giggling over here rn

OKAY BUT THIS IS THE VIBE... Eddie's always "hated" the holidays or maybe the holidays just don't agree with him and never offer him mercy. Something always happens around that time of year without fail. Since moving to Knife's Edge he's only spent them with Wayne when he visits but it's usually very simple and they don't really decorate or anything, just hang out and have dinner and some beers every night until Wayne has to go back to Indiana. So it's not like anything bad has happened over the holidays for a few years but in typical Eddie fashion, he's always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

To be fair he's had enough trauma to last him lifetimes and one Christmas that really ruined it for him was when he was little and his dad came home drunk and Eddie thought he was Santa. Instead of Santa he's met with his dad stumbling around their tiny living room, knocking over their small tree with a majority of homemade ornamets he and his mom crafted together. At first it was an accident but as his dad got tangled up in some of the lights he started to get annoyed, slurring curses at the tree before finally shoving it over declaring it a "usless fuckin' thing". Shortly after, Eddie's mom had rushed out, tucking little Eddie behind her as she addressed her drunken husband. They started to argue, dad always starting it without fail. His mom tried so hard to keep the peace but when he started to raise his voice she had no choice but to try and appear bigger. She was never scared of him, or so she lead on. His dad would start knocking furniture over and rampage until he passed out on the kitchen floor after accidentally hitting his face against the counter, blood spilling from his nose.

There were several Christmases Eddie and his mom would go over to Wayne's because of his dad. Eddie would still protest, stating that he hates the trailer park, that he wanted to stay home and that maybe dad will be better this morning. That was never the case but little Eddie didn't really know any better, his dad always charming his way out of situations, always convincing Eddie that he was some kind of hero at the end of the day, even after being such a deadbeat. It got worse as he got older, his mom passed when he was six and from there Christmas never felt quite the same. Wayne would insist that Eddie come over and spend the holiday with him, he knew his dad would either not come home at all or would turn up too late, Eddie sulking in that damn house all alone while he waited for his dad to show up. Needless to say, it took a while for Eddie to realize just how fucked up it was that his dad would have him wrapped around his finger for his own convenience. Christmas had never been a happy time. He was always thankful for all that his mom and Wayne would do for him, to keep him distracted from his dad's shenanigans. But it never erased that void in his heart and it never kept him from chasing after something he could never have.

His first holiday season around reader...completely shifts everything and it scares the shit out of him at first. He starts feeling that so called "joy" that everyone swears they feel around this time of year. He feels like the fucking grinch when his heart grows three sizes every time she's around. He doesn't mind the little decorations she scatters around the bar, the image of snowflakes and Christmas ornaments only start reminding him of her and not his past. Let's just say that his inner child starts to heal...

I HAVE SOME CHRISTMASY STUFF PLANNED FOR THEM AND I CAN'T WAIT TO WRITE IT WHEN IM ABLE TO. THERE WILL BE A LIL ANGST BUT I PROMISE IT'S NOTHING SCARY

[lurkingshan]

Love Sea Final Thoughts

I have been trying to wrap my head around my overall feelings about Love Sea, a show that is undeniably flawed but somehow charming anyway, that drops so many threads but does such a good job with a few of its core points that it's hard to be mad. I can't really say that this is a great drama, but I can say that I enjoyed it a lot and I think it's a good watch if you go in understanding some caveats.

Let's start with a few things I really loved about this show:

Mahasamut. A great character, he will be going on my shortlist of Thai bl favorites. He's smart, honest, patient, giving and forgiving but he also knows himself, his limits, and his worth. On top of all that, he actually looks like a normal person, with a healthy body weight and beautiful imperfect skin. So rare in dramas.

Smart class dynamics. I appreciated how much this show grounded Mut and Rak's relationship in their class disparity, how wealth and lack of same was a constant issue between them that was never forgotten, and how its effect on their power dynamic shifted over time as their relationship grew.

Very well-executed sex scenes. The sex in this show is tied to character development and relationship arcs, and every sex scene mattered to the story. We watched the shifting power dynamics between Mut and Rak play out via the sex they had together and by watching their intimacy we learned more about them.

Ridiculous chemistry. The main love story was supported by truly excellent emotional and sexual chemistry. I always believed in the attraction and the feelings between these two, and that helped a lot when the story didn't quite take me where it needed to.

Rak and Vie's friendship. I really loved that we spent time with these two as besties, and that they were genuinely so supportive of each other. Vie was a real MVP in kicking Rak's ass when he needed it.

Meena, the best child ever. What a delightful character who brought a lot of fun and lightness to the story. Her scenes with Mut were a true highlight.

And here are some things that didn't quite work for me:

Uneven focus for the main characters. Once we left the island to go to Bangkok, the entire show was about Rak, his backstory, his issues, his ongoing problems, and his needs, and Mut was kind of subsumed in his story instead of having one of his own. I was glad we got back to Mut's life at the end, but they really should have kept it present throughout so everything didn't feel so one-sided.

Shallow engagement with family trauma. And despite the fact that the story was so much about Rak's issues, the story never actually went deep on them. I still don't really understand a lot about his family dynamics. The show used his dad and cousin as villains and then his mom as an easy out to solve everything at the end, but we never dug into how all these people ended up this way in the first place. It was a real missed opportunity.

Rak's emotional journey. I was on board for much of it, but other parts felt a bit haphazard and all over the place. Sometimes it felt like he was suddenly progressing out of nowhere, and others it felt like he was backsliding just because the plot demanded it. I liked where the story took him a lot but the path to get there was pretty bumpy.

The side couple. WOOF. I have no idea what happened here, but that was a fail on just about every front. Mook was a hard character to love from the start, Vie felt like a completely different person with Mook than in all her other scenes, there was so much lying and manipulation for no good reason, and in the end they were left completely unresolved. If you are on the lookout for great gl pairings, you will not find that here.

So there you have it. This show is absolutely a mixed bag on its execution, so how much you end up liking it will probably depend on how strongly you connect with what it did well and where it dropped the ball. For me, it was a good experience and one I'll remember fondly. I'll definitely be watching the special when it's released and I hope to see this cast again.

[uzumakisavior]

P:1/3 "I Love You, Dad."

Personal thought dump. The reason why I am taking a small break. I am just processing things. Daddy issues and paternal figure trauma. You're more than welcome to read, but its personal and not meant to be an essay. may delete later. not proof read. *sigh* WHEN i SEE YOU, GEGE!!! WHEN i SEE YOU, GEGE!!! Excuse me while I cry in the corner. I'm a little f*cked up right now.

A child witnessing a messy divorce isn't for the faint of heart. My mother wasn't one to forgive, even though she was the offending party. My mother would put my hands on my father and make him bleed. I only witnessed the arguing, and even still, it was endless. When they finally separated, she would leave me with her friends because she wanted to party (making me vulnerable to all types of things) and kept me in a room with a movie so I wouldn't disturb her. To my mother, I was an inconvenience to her selfish desires. I witnessed my mother do things a child shouldn't know. My life was unstable and all i wanted was genuine love. My aunt would come to visit me, and years later she'd tell me, "Lillian, you would cry and ask to live with me. You told me that being with Mom made you feel like a "Bird Locked In A Cage."

But my father? My father was tall, lean, handsome (so I've heard. But i have pictures to prove it. And i like to say I get the better part of my looks from him. ), and well mannered. His long, ebony, black hair and pale skin would compliment each other perfectly. I was gifted with his almond eyes and high cheekbones. He loved his culture. His identity was important to him, and he was never one to rage. I would never, ever, witness him lose his temper. Not even with my mother.

I always felt safe and secure with my father. He spent time to talk to me. We would play tag and video games together. He bought me my first Nintendo Game Boy. He would help me at the monkey bars in the park. I got A's in my school projects thanks to his help. My sibling and I would cuddle him while we watched a movie before bed.

Visitation with my Dad was day and night compared to life with my mother. I have memories where I forced myself to stay up all night so he wouldn't leave. It was a battle to keep my eyes open. His arms wrapped around me while I rested on his chest. When I was with him I was free to be me. I was safe. I was loved. I was important. All of us were a priority under his care, and I felt it when he embraced me. My abuse at home would cease whenever I saw his face. And yet, time with my Dad was always cut short by those custody orders.

He kept his long locks in a braid or low ponytail. It sported such a shine, lol, he might as well have modeled a shampoo commercial. It was straight as a board. Not a curl in sight. I was fascinated. I wanted hair that whimsical. I wanted the hair of a princess, like my dad. It was strange because he was supposed to be a boy, and my hip length hair couldn't compare.

"Dad, can I brush your hair?"

"Hm? Yeah. Sure."

He was sitting on his futon reading a magazine. He leaned back, legs crossed and shoulders relaxed.

I was only five. Maybe six. My little hands would reach up and grab sections of his hair. The way the strands felt against my palms fascinated me. I'd toss it, swing it, pull it gently to see if it would break. I'd even let his hair glide down my hands like a lustrous dark waterfall.

"Dad, promise me! Don't ever cut your hair ok?"

"Alright, " he chuckled, "Why is that, Lillian?"

"Because one day, Imma jump rope with it!!! It's already so long!!!" I was so excited at the idea, I began twisting 2 sections like a rope and pretended to play double-dutch.

"I promise. No worries." His voice was always so gentle and loving. Always soft for his children. I was one of three.

As I smoothed out his hair I proclaim:

"Dad, I love you."

----

[twistedboxy]

Written on 2/15/23 on paper but didn't type it up til recently 

Lately I haven't felt like myself since I got some news a while back. There are so many things that make me anxious or upset, even stupid little things that are not even part of my control. Last Saturday 2/11/23, I literally had to pull into a parking lot to cry and have an anxiety attack. I have so many thoughts that make me anxious or think about lost things like mom and get upset.

As many of you know I’m the oldest and have two younger sisters. K (28) and M(19). K,me and K’s boyfriend live together as well as my mom before she passed. In Dec, K told me she was pregnant. She’s almost 30 so she can do whatever and I support any of her choices. She’s an adult. She had been nervous to tell me and when she did kinda sent me into a panic about all the things to do.

Luckily there are many wonderful people in my life that quelled most of my worry. You know who you are. I love you all. I’m scared of being an aunt but those who know me think I’ll be wonderful. I’ve slowly been getting excited as well.

We talked again after she finally told our dad. (There’s some emotional trauma between us but that is a different post.) He seemed pretty supportive and excited from what she told me. She brought up a good point about the baby continuing our legacy since it would have just ended at us. That brought up a lot of feelings on how much we both miss our mom. For me it’s tough since I look a lot like her.

I’ve been thinking about experiences that I haven’t had yet. Some of us have talked about what they are. Not going into full detail but would talk in dm. I also think about life and death. I know I'm being vague but I tend to end up in a loop of scaring myself.

I’ve also been bored and frustrated at work. Things have slowed down considerably between closing test sites and putting a hold on files we were scanning. A lot of the stuff that we were scanning was technically done. The original person who they had scanning files was told something completely different or it got jumbled along the way. They also left him to his own devices. We had been helping out on the side to keep busy. Yet they let him go. We got the big scanner for mass documents ordered and set up. My other coworker who was scanning along with me are currently waiting for the one manager to show us what to do.

I’ve also assisted with various file retrieval which I’m quite good at. I have a list that are from one specific company but I’ve been through all that was available in one of the rooms we keep files. The rest of the boxes are wrapped in pallets in the back space with other stuff blocking it. We didn’t think we ever needed to go back to it since we scanned everything. We don’t have the space to move the in front items about to and fro. This is pretty much daily. I get occasional projects or orders from some sites as well as logging Fedex packages. It’s very boring and frustrating. At least when I was scanning I could put on a show and do both. Why do I go?

If you're still reading this, thank you again for hearing me out. It means a lot to me. I don’t make posts like this often. 

I’ll post my sister’s registry in a while if you'd like to send something.

[agentfascinateur]

22 years an eternity ago, I heard a kitten roar as I exited the car. I stayed behind to follow the fierce cries, hoping to meet this wildebeest. He was not easy to find. He could only be heard, as he seemed to warn anyone daring to approach. I was smitten sight unseen. I remembered an early Christmas present in my pocket, all wrapped up in shininess. I held it out and made scrunchy noises with the wrapping. It drew out this moving lump of wood chip dust. The farmer said if I caught it, it was mine. I scooped him up and tucked him in my down coat. We passed the farmer's German Shepard and the kitten's feistiness returned. I remembered the frozen kittens I saw once in a barn on my grandmother's farm. I was happy it was warm, not resisting. We made the trek to see my parents. On the way, he cleaned himself and was blue through and through. My dad put together a makeshift litter of planting soil in an aluminum baking dish, and was proud how he immediately got it. They treated him after that like a grandchild. He got to stay with them on my ski holidays and I was lucky they gave him back. I named him Noël. It was truly Christmas every day with him for almost 20 years. I was never alone, through the highs and lows. He was there. Then when I picked up a young cat in the rain, crying under a bush and brought her home with me and my big Husky, he thought it was the best day of his life. He let her eat his food, use his litter and turf him off the bed momentarily. Until one day we came home and Noël and Pippa were sitting side by side on the armchair looking up at us. Noël had a wifey. Then came Pacha and our family was complete. (Before the troubles of 2015). Noël was never the same after Pippa then Pacha were taken from us. Then Patrick and my mom too. He developed thyroid issues that often come after trauma, and would cry out until I found him the right med. His hearing went, so I got a cat backpack to go along with him when he wanted to be let out, not trusting he would be able to hear any danger. Then one April day, like my dad then my mom before, he gave signs of distress just as I had to write a law exam. I asked for good vibes and prayers, as he continued to be restless and jump on surfaces while chasing his breath. Then it came. As brutally fast and innocuous as a few coughs. We were huddled in the corner where he hid behind the sofa. I howled. Literally. Everything we had had to endure that was so unfair and that deprived us of our little family, our home, everything - it came out in a howl. But as if it weren't enough or finished with, I had until midnight to write my stupid exam. 20 years together and even the moment was robbed of its dignity. I sat holding his lifeless body, tears streaming down my face, at the computer. School had given my mind a purpose through the insanity thrown at me, and the pet funeral people said he'd be okay overnight. Still. The next day we drove him to be cremated. I couldn't put his crate on the ground. He wasn't just a thing. Bruce Springsteen sang "There goes my miracle" on the drive home. I dreamed he hit the ground running to rejoin Pacha who had disappeared from the boarder's a kilometer away. I knew he'd have wanted to be reunited with his baby. Noël was loved and lives on in loving memory. 💙

Happy homecoming anniversary. Love, mom.

[sweetmusingss]

Oscar chuckled softly when hearing what you said, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he practically grinned down at you. “Damn, you caught me.. Yeah, I am not looking forward to that particularly. But don’t think that we aren’t going shopping within the next 24 hours. I know you will be just fine but I want you to have everything you could want,” he said. He had been dreaming about being your boyfriend since the moment that he met you and he was going to be damned if he wasn’t going to be the best boyfriend you had ever had. “You don’t have to convince me though.. I would be happy to have my alone time with you,” he said, staring back at you with an intense gaze. “Let’s head out of here then,” he said, glancing over and seeing that Katie and Max had their bags as well, nodding at them. He held onto his two bags with one hand, showing off his strength as he wrapped his other arm around your shoulders and headed towards the exit with you, kissing the top of your head gently.

The comparison between Oscar as a boyfriend and Charles as a boyfriend was night and day. Charles cared, but never to the extent that Oscar does. Oscar cares so damn much that it makes my chest physically hurt with the way my heart was pounding. I smirk a bit to myself as he shows off his strength, finding that to be quite sexy. Oscar went to the gym often, he took care of himself, ate his veggies and fruits like normal adults, but I rarely ever saw him without a shirt on... so I was eager to know what was underneath. Whenever we slept together, he always wore a t-shirt to bed. We got into the car that Max had rented, staring out the window for most of the ride, taking in these brand new surroundings. My nerves spiked as he pulled into the driveway, getting out and watching as everyone grabbed their bags and I just stood there nervously. I was holding Oscar’s hand as we made our way up the walkway, suddenly stopping before we reached the door, super nervous. I stood there playing with the rings I always wore on my fingers which was a nervous tick of mine, looking up at the house, not sure why this felt so important all of a sudden. 

__

I immediately went to hug you after hearing you tell me that you had shit parents, hating that we could relate on that front too. “I am sorry, baby,” I say, hugging you tightly before looking back into your eyes. “Me too.. I honestly don’t speak to my parents at all. My dad was a deadbeat and not in my life and my mom hated me,” I say, so casual about my trauma dumping. “Every now and then, my mom tries to reach out for money but I have no desire to have her in my life.” I shake my head at you when you asked if I wanted seconds, liking that you were checking in on me. I had spent so much of my life feeling unwanted and unlovable and it was nice to feel like I had a partner who actually genuinely cared about me. “I am all good, I promise. That was delicious. And don’t think I didn’t notice that you had my favorite cuisine made,” I grin at you.

Max frowned even deeper when you mentioned your parents being awful, hating to think that you had such a hard childhood, you didn’t deserve anything bad to happen to you ever. Especially little Katie. That made his heart break. “I am pretty sure my dad hates me too. His fists sure love my head though.” Max lets out another self deprecating laugh, it being his own form of therapy to laugh through the memories that still haunted him sometimes. “Only the best for my best girl.” He smiles up at you, leaning up and pressing a soft kiss to your lips. “Italian is my favorite cuisine as well, sorry to say about Dutch food but it’s not very good... Italian and Japanese are the best. I can’t wait for you to come to Singapore so you can try some proper asian food. It’s the best.” Max was already planning you coming to different stops on the race calendar, hoping you’d be able to come to them all so he wouldn't have to be without you very often.